


The Song Of His Sorrows

by mysteriousmagicx



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:54:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29500923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysteriousmagicx/pseuds/mysteriousmagicx
Summary: He loved to hear your song, but what was once a sweet and calming music quickly turned to  melancholy and sadness. He still hears it everyday, but it’s not the same. It wasn’t your song anymore.He longed for the days where he watched you play and listen to your song, but those days were never coming back, just like your song.
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/You, Levi Ackerman & Reader, Levi Ackerman/Reader, Levi Ackerman/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	The Song Of His Sorrows

It haunts him every day.

“Levi, hey Levi?”

Levi blinks, brought back to reality. Hanji pulls back her back which was waving in front of his face moments ago. Her lips were pressed into a thin line, worry in her eyes as she looks at the him. This same expression was replicated on all th Squad Leaders’ faces as they look at him, even Erwin was gazing at him across the table with a concerned look. 

A scowl curls on his lips. “What?” his voice was harsh. He didn’t need their damn pity. The people in the meeting room exchange uneasy glances, furthering irritating him. Treating him like he needed to be handled carefull like glass. Before he could snap at them again Erwin speaks up.

“I think you should go and rest Levi, you don’t look well.” 

“I’m fine.” 

“Levi-”

“I said I’m fine Erwin.”

Levi flat out rejects his friend’s offer for kindness, instead glaring at him furiously. Leaning back in his chair he crosses his arms over his chest, showing that he was staying put and there was nothing that Erwin could do about it.

The Commander sighs, accepting defeat. “Very well, Hanji continue with explaining your strategy for the next expedition.”

Unlike Erwin, she was more hesitant to comply. “You sure? I mean we can do this another day-”

“Four eyes, continue the fucking meeting.” Levi says lowly. With that tone Hanji knew not to push him and immediately picked up where she left off. 

Levi tries to focus but it was futile. He may be present in the meeting, but he wasn’t hearing a single thing. No, he was hearing something else, something that shouldn’t even exist anymore.

~~~

Levi hears it every night. 

He can’t even escape the clutches of his torment when the night sky comes out. Then again, the night has always been troubling for him. Nightmares, insomnia, working his ass off till dawn breaks. 

But, there was a time when the cage he was trapped in was open. It was like feeling the sun on his face for the very first time and inhaling fresh air. So refreshing, so warm, he can’t remember the last time he felt so…happy. Even the nights were more appealing. 

If only it lasted longer. 

Like everything else in life, good things don’t last long. Soon he was back in the cage, the key long gone. Back in the darkness, the nightmares, the pain. Trapped in his own despair.

The nights were lonely, but never quiet. More than anything, he was the cause for the disturbance in the air. His footsteps bounces off the wall as he heads to the kitchens. Ingrained into his muscles after doing it numerous times he could basically make tea with his eyes closed. He takes his cup of tea out to the Mess Hall and sits down, swirling the liquid in the cup before taking a sip.

He hears the sound playing in his head, over and over again. Before he would’ve said it was a lovely, beautiful tune that soothed his soul. Now, it was the source of his anguish. 

Funny, in the past he wished to hear the tune forever because of how calming it was. Hearing it all the time, he realizes what people meant when they say be careful of what you wish for. This was not what he wanted. Levi almost wanted to laugh at the cruel, sick joke fate decided to play on him. 

“You’re up.”

He didn’t need to look up to know who it was. There was one other person who had a fucked up sleep scheduled just like him. “What do you want Four Eyes?”

“For you to get some sleep.” Her answer was soft as she makes her way over to the table, sitting across from him. 

“You know I don’t sleep.”

“Levi, this isn’t healthy. You look like shit.” A frown tugs on her lips. 

“You’re the one to talk.” He retorts. “You look like you haven’t bathed in days.”

“This isn’t amount me, this is about you Levi.” She emphasizes, eyes serious. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself.” She glances down to the ground, a heavy sigh leaving her lips. “You’re not the only one hurting, you know.” Hands curl into fists on top of her knees, her jaw clenches tightly. “It hurts after what happened, but it also hurts seeing you like this Levi. No one wants to see you this way.”

She lifts her head to look at him, her voice desperate. “Please Levi, tell me something, anything.”

Levi was a little stunned to see the strong emotions swirling in her eyes. Compared to him she has always been the expressive one. In a way, he does envy her ability to be expressive. Words weren’t easy for him and his stoic mask made it hard for people to read him, except for a few.

Hanji was one of them.

It would stupid to lie and knowing her, she’ll pester him through the whole night unless he tells her something. Backed into a corner with nowhere to go he releases a deep breath. For a second Hanji thought he was about to push her away, but surprisingly it was the opposite.

“I keep hearing it and I can’t get it out of my head.” Levi confesses, and it was the first time he ever disclosed this information. Closing his eyes a brief memory flashes before him, one that makes his heart ache.

“Oh Levi…,” Hanji whispers, understanding what he was referring to. “After what happened…it’s still in your head?”

“Yeah,” he his reply was short. “The day, the afternoon, the night, all the damn time.” Frustration takes over, but underneath it all was sorrow. A deep, piercing sorrow that Hanji could hear and it even makes her heart ache. 

Suddenly he rises to his feet, taking his cup with him. “There’s nothing you can do about it, so just go back to sleep.” He feels her eyes on him as he walks away but he pays no mind to it. 

Just another sleepless night with the tune keeping him company as always.

~~~

“You know, I hear they’re going to get rid of that piano.”

“Wait, seriously?”

Levi freezes when he picks up snippets of a conversation when he passes by a room. Retracing his steps he looks inside to see Eren and Jean talking in hushed voices.

“Who the hell said that?” he makes his presence known with his question causing the two boys to jump and whirl around, saluting him.

“Sir!”

“Answer the question,” he demands waving off their salutes. Just who the fuck was trying to remove the piano?

Eren and Jean exchange a nervous look, fearful under their Captain’s gaze. Thee brown haired boy was. the first to speak, his voice trembling a little.

“W-We heard it Commander Erwin and Squad Leader Hanji.”

“We were passing by them when they mentioned about removing the piano from the room.” Jean adds.

Anger consumes as he strides out of the room, his eyes ablaze. How dare they? And without even consulting him about it. The deadly look on his face makes people steer clear of him as he heads towards Erwin’s office where they no doubt are discussing that matter.

The sound of the door slamming echoes in the air as he barges into the office, disrupting the conversation Erwin and Hanji were having.

“You two,” Levi spits out, venom dripping from his words. “Just what the fuck are you doing with that piano?”

“We’re getting rid of it Levi, for your own good.” Erwin says firmly.

“My own good?” Levi repeats as if the very idea was stupid. Eyes narrowed he turns his attention to Hanji. “You told him?” he hisses.

“Levi, we’re trying to help you, please let us.” Her plea falls deaf on his ears. 

“And your solution is to take away that piano? No, I won’t let you.” Levi shakes his head. “It’s a not a choice for you to make, that piano…you can’t take it.” His voice wavers at the end. 

“But the more you hold onto it, the more you’ll feel pain Levi.” Erwin’s eyes are sad. “You have to let go, move on.”

“You think the music will just magically stop after the piano is gone?” He fires back.

“Levi,” Hanji slowly walks towards him. “Your pain is related to music, to that instrument. You have to get rid of it. It’s the only way that you’ll feel better.” she speaks to him like one would do to a child, and he hates it. She reaches for him but he brushes her hand away, the angered look still on his face but the pain resides in his grey eyes.

“No, that piano stays. You come near that piano and I won’t hesitate to break all your legs.” he threatens. 

“We know how much that piano means to you Levi, the memories you have with her. That’s exactly why we have to get rid of it, it means too much to you to the point that it hurts you.” Erwin reasons.

“Are you both fucking deaf or what?” Levi snaps at them. “The piano is staying. The fact that it’s hers…,” he pauses for a moment, his throat constricting as emotions overwhelm him. “That’s exactly why it has to stay, it’s her piano.”

“Levi it’s not your call to make.”

“Fine, you remove that piano? You lose me too.” Levi looks at Erwin. He was so taken aback by his words that Erwin was speechless. 

“Now hold on Levi…don’t be brash…,” Hanji holds up her hands. The raven haired man clicks his tongue. 

“If you guys just mind your damn business then I wouldn’t need to be. Leave. The piano. Alone.” he punctuates each word clearly, his tone dangerous.

“Here’s the deal then,” Erwin finally recollects himself. “We won’t remove the piano now, but we’re still going to think about it.”

It’s not the answer Levi wanted, but it’s about as good as he’s going to get. “Fine.” With that he turns on his heel and leaves the pair, slamming the door shut. 

He knew they were only trying to help…but Levi just can’t bring himself to get rid of the piano, even if it did cause him pain.

~~~

In front of him was the door that leads to the room with the piano. It’s an old room, nobody really knows who put the piano there. Nobody uses the piano, nobody has time for it anyways.. Well, there was someone who used to play the piano, bringing not only the beautiful music to the soldiers but happiness and joy too. Brightening their days and bringing smiles to their faces…but it all came to an end.

It was a special place for Levi, cherished memories created in the room with the music and…his beloved. He never returned to the room after what happened, until now.

Taking a deep breath he opens the door, stepping inside. Nothing but a piano lay in the center of the room, unused. There would be light pouring in from the window, but the curtains were drawn shut. Empty and quiet, but not his mind. Filled with memories of the past and like always, the music. His heart aches, it aches for his beloved so much. 

Trudging over to the piano his fingers drags across the cover of the keys, grimacing at the dust collected at the tip of his finger. 

_“Come on Levi, let’s clean the piano. I want this to be squeaky and shiny clean,” you beam at him._

_“Seems like a pain in the ass.” he remarks, eyeing the dust covering the instrument._

_You blink, your jaw hanging open. “You, refusing to clean? Who are you and what have you done with my Levi?”_

_He rolls his eyes. “Not what I meant brat. I mean what’s the point of cleaning the piano for?”_

_“Oh,” you giggle before gazing at him with warm eyes, a radiant smile on your lips._

_“Don’t you want to hear me play?”_

He sits down on the stool, lifting the cover up and revealing the black and white keys. The keys are smooth and cool under his fingertips as his hand glides across the surface. Levi can envision it clearly, the placement of your hands and how easily they glide over the keys, fluid like water. He was amazed the first time he saw you and continued to be amazed every time you played. They way you can play with your eyes closed, putting your whole body into the playing your song, the performance itself was extraordinary.

_Levi watches, stunned as you craft a beautiful melody. He could never get tired of watching you and listening to the notes strung together by your hands. The melody dancing in the air, lifting his spirits. By the time you were done he had small smile on his face._

_“What do you think?” you ask, tilting your head. Instead of responding he walks over to you, cupping your face for a moment so he could stare into your eyes before kissing you softly._

_“What a talented brat,” he whispers, mirth in his eyes. And your giggles right after were music to his ears too._

“(Y/N)….,” he says in beloved’s name in a whisper, a shuddering breath escaping him right after. Just her name is enough for a pang to be felt in his heart. 

You were the one with the key to his heart and the cage he resided in. Setting him free, enveloping him in your warmth and love, and also your song. In the brief time he had with you, Levi truly tasted freedom. He tasted freedom when he kissed you and let himself be filled with so much love for his woman. The times they spent together in this room, just having each other and the music as their company, all was right in the world.

_Levi closes his eyes, relishing in the notes that (y/n) was playing. Head rested against your shoulder he feels the movements of your arm as your fingers move to press down on certain keys._

_Nothing beats resting next to his lover to wash away the stress. He was so at peaceful and his heart was full and happy. When your song comes to an end he lifts his head to look at you, caressing your cheek with his hand. You sigh, leaning into his touch and looking at him with soft eyes._

_“Did you like it?”_

_“You know I always do.”_

_You always ask that question and he answers in the same way. He doesn’t why know you ask when you know how much your song comforts him. But seeing the smile that spreads across your lips at his answer makes it worth it._

_“I’ll always play for you Levi, whatever you want.”_

_He leans forward to kiss you, so enamored at how loving you are towards him. Breaking apart he breaths against your lips, his voice tender and soft._

_“Just your song is plenty."_

Unable to look at the keys any longer he brings down the cover and rests his elbows on top of it, covering one side of his face with his hands. A single tear runs down the side of his face.

It was a lie. Truthfully, it wasn’t all about the song that was part of his happiness. He didn’t just need your song. He didn’t just wish to hear the song forever, he wanted you to play the song. He wanted you to be happy playing the piano while he sits next to you and listens.

Now, he’ll never hear you again. The song from his memories wasn’t the same.

And like how you were dead, so was your song.


End file.
